I caught another movie over the weekend, something better than gay vampires and overgrown chow chows being victimized by a fickle minded bitch who looks like she smoked one too many pot for a day.

Predators take place 13 years in the future from the original timeline which had the Governator in it.  According to what I saw in some sources, Nimrod Antal(the director) stated this would be a closer sequel to the first and second movie but would stay further away from the AvP series….thank god they did that….AvP to me was as lame as Twilight if not lamer to be honest.

What’s more welcoming is that the movie is not marketed as a 3D gimmicky shit. That earns my respect considering almost every movie, shitty or non shitty has been charging into the cinemas under a pretentious 3D package and that totally made me sick. To make things worst, some of the 3D movies never made any impact and some sucked on an epic level (I’m lookin at you Last Airbender!), and Predators did not bend to that peer pressure of trying to be 3D-fied to fit into the market.

Adrien Brody as Badass Guy, Alice Braga as someone really hot with a gun.

The story starts off with Royce(Adrien Brody) falling off the sky or something towards a jungle. To make things worst he was sortta unconscious until halfway through the fall and he realized he was…..falling of course. Upon landing by some dumb luck he bumps into quite a few characters, a Mexican Drug Cartel Villain (played by a really freaky Danny Trejo), then meets a Russian Soldier with one big fucking gun, an IDF sniper in the form of a hottie (why they got a Brazilian to play an Israeli is beyond me…then again they got Van Damme to play Guile anyway)…, a Revolutionary United Front Soldier, a Death Row inmate was like just 2 days away from his sentence, a yakuza dude who never spoke for at least 3/4 of the movie, and lastly a wimpy American doctor.

Despite some of the characters behaving in a rather clichéd manner throughout the movie, the characters do show some sense of variety as opposed to being simply monotonous and single minded. You get the point that most of them there are professional douchebags and somehow feel at times sorry for the doctor dude and sometimes questioning as to what the fuck’s the guy doing there? He’s among an elite group of killers whereas he’s just a dude with a scalpel….Yes…he was carrying a scalpel in his pocket.

Ok back to the story, so they bump into some really freaky looking pets and things start to go downhill from there…for them I mean, for us the movie still stays pretty satisfying thus far. Later on they eventually bump into a captured “Classic” Predator and more shit happens. The flow of the story is not too bad so far, nothing too messy, it doesn’t stay too dull either, tends to keep you engaged too without loosing it’s relevance to the storyline.  There’s a particular scene where a direct reference to the original Predator movie was made as well as a not so subtle reference to the character “Dutch” from the first movie, while his name was not mentioned, anyone worth their salt can figure it out. If you can’t and proceed to bitch about it, then go watch Twilight and make it easier for all of us.

Oh Hai!

Up to this, they lost like a couple of guys and bump into Morpheus (yes he’s here), who’s kind of insane at this point(the guy has an imaginary friend for cryin out loud!) and learn about the history of what’s going on. Apparently the Predators are collecting warriors or several types to evolve themselves and stuff. Also there’s the “classic” predator type and the “super” predator types, and some ship which the group missed out cause it’s….invisible….duh!

Soon enough Morpheus goes batshit and everyone gets into more trouble. More people die, and a real real villainous douchebag is finally revealed (Hint : Venom!).They destroy the predators and they walk off to the sunset for a happy ending….Yeah Right!….they are still stuck in the planet and are looking up the sky for more visitors like them on parachutes….in case you don’t get it….it’s definitely a setup for a sequel 😉

The Awesome part :

1) Now despite it’s loopholes and some shortcomings, the movie was able to keep us glued at least until I had no choice but to run to the men’s room cause my bladder was filled with shit loads of coke.  That being said the loopholes and shortcomings are considerably less and this lets the movie NOT be sucky.

2) Adrien Brody…wow someone became uber fit for the movie. I never thought I would see the likes of Adrien Brody in a movie like this. Don’t take me wrong, but when was the last time you saw this guy carrying an assault rifle, sounding like Wolverine and beating the shit out of things bigger than him??? Exactly! He played his character well enough despite being clichéd at times but Royce is not too bad to hold up against “Dutch”…but the Governator always rocks! Period!

3) Alice Braga…!

4) I think everyone performed well in the movie. I give extra credit to Topher Grace, while I was never able to take him seriously after “That 70’s Show” and he sucked in Spiderman 3(who didn’t?), he nailed it pretty well in this show. Morpheus played it quite well as a lunatic and the rest of the cast played their roles very well….btw the Yakuza dude does speak towards the end…and he wields the Katana in a pretty badass way.

5) no 3D….yes…I am pretty sick of almost all the movies coming in and treating us like morons by dangling the 3D in front of us. Predators does not follow that habit and at least treats us like intelligent viewers.

6) The Predators, both the “Classic” Predator and the “Super” Predators look less gay than their AvP counterparts.

7) Effects…the CG work was pretty good and due to shooting in a good location, lesser CG was needed and this makes it easier on our eyes too.

The Shitty Part:

1) Sometimes the characters, especially Royce comes across as a bit too clichéd in their behavior. This was probably done intentionally as it totally throws us off balance when the real douchebag reveals himself.

2) Another cliche in this is that there’s just one female here. While Alice Braga is really hot and all, watching a single female being among a group of criminals totally looses its logics.

3) The predator pets are just too weird.

4) Yakuza using a katana against a predator….I have to admit it’s cool but it’s not something I am gonna use against a thing like a Predator….lasers vs katanas…..u know where that leads to.

5) Morpheus only appears for like 10 mins or less….I think it will be totally insane to have a lunatic running along with you throughout the jungle, fighting the predators and talking to his imaginary friend….and this could’ve happened.

6) A cameo appearance by “Dutch” would be so totally awesome! I mean the Governator is gonna appear in “The Expendables”…why not this one??? 😦

Overall it’s a great movie, it should not disappoint you if you like the original Predator and definitely would not disappoint you if you are looking for an awesome, no beating around the bush straightforward action movie. If you have a choice between this and twilight, I am not gonna tell you which one to pick. It’s a no brainer…unless you actually do not have brains and pick the latter of course.

Until then

Fuck Off

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